happiness

Happiness

I talked a few days ago about feelings, but I didn’t talk about happiness, at least I’m pretty sure about that. So happiness, happiness, shit where do you start with that? I guess you can say they are moments, like everyone says. Or it’s about attitude when facing things, a general outlook on life. Or it can be just something. I don’t think you can always be happy, maybe content is more of an appropriate all the time feeling.

 I think it’s interesting that the happiest moments in our lives are not a constant stream that drowns us. Don’t get me wrong I’d love to be happy 24 hours and 7 days a week. But maybe we need to ration those moments, least we start to lose appreciation for those. Maybe that’s being a little bitchy or there’s a beautiful Spanish phrase for this, come mierda or a shit eater. I like it, it conveys so many things so easily, you can say it about a person who loves to start trouble; or a person who likes to see others as miserable as them. And more, it’s so very versatile. 

I know people can make you happy, sometimes I don’t know if it’s the time we spend together or just being with them that makes. I’m partial to both, so I guess it has to be a mix of both. When we are with people we like, we can create happy memories doing anything. Or maybe, sometimes I doubt all of these things, especially because I’m not very good with other people, I don’t think of myself of as a curmudgeon, more of a selective recluse? Or a partial hermit? There are so few people that I actually enjoy spending time with, it’s too bad I don’t have a chance to spend more time with them, or at all with some.

For example, I had this trip with a couple of friends to Cuenca. For starters the trip was a mess, we had car trouble on the way and I’m pretty sure we got lucky to actually make it to the city. And to make matters worse, I had the greatest idea ever to go to these old Incan ruins. This 40 minute trek ended up being something like a 3 hour odyssey. Not to make too much more of it, if it wasn’t because of two very understanding and cool friends, I would have probably had the worst time ever. 

Sometimes I also think about how people talk with such wonder of meeting a particular person. I know I said people can make even the least enjoyable of times, fun, but even if I have had people who’ve marked my life in even a small way, I don’t ever think of a memorable meeting. I’m not sure that came out right though, what I’m trying to say is, I don’t believe those meet cute stories. I’ve met people in interesting ways, but the people who mean the most to me I’ve met in just really mundane ways. So for me it’s more like you create memories and those influence the way we remember the past we share with these people. So tainted memories of the past, influenced by the present, yeah, those surely are the foundations of our stories and our future angst and pain.