randomness 2

Some nights I just lay down on my bed, looking at the roof. I hug the pillow besides me, even though I know it’s not really you. Of course, who truly is that you? There’s a physical you, there always is, like that last girl you had fun fooling around with, or just had sex some time ago. There’s that you how will help me when I’m sick, and will badger me into taking care of myself when I’m out of shape. Then there’s also a you that pushes me to work, for me, for what I want to do in my life. But I’m on my own, I go to bed, it’s usually freezing. And when I wake up it still is.

 

Ok I had to go there, not a good idea but I was thinking about something else, and it got me kind of down. I’m really messed up, I guess you know this if you’ve read anything else here or know me. And so long tangent aside, I recently read an article “The War on Men” written by Suzanne Venker. It’s kind of particular in itself because I don’t really read about feminist stuff and it a FOX thing so it’s not really my thing. But one thing did seem pretty interesting:

 “ …But what if the dearth of good men, and ongoing battle of the sexes, is – hold on to your seats – women’s fault? ... After decades of browbeating the American male, men are tired. Tired of being told there’s something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women aren’t happy, it’s men’s fault.

    Contrary to what feminists like Hanna Rosin, author of The End of Men, say, the so-called rise of women has not threatened men. It has pissed them off. It has also undermined their ability to become self-sufficient in the hopes of someday supporting a family. Men want to love women, not compete with them. They want to provide for and protect their families – it’s in their DNA. But modern women won’t let them…”. 

And while as a man, I can find it comforting, I kind of think its bullshit. I can’t understand why gender battles are waged as if this was a zero sum game or something like that. Women have had important accomplishments and huge gains, but most men will think it’s just as simple as women taking shit from them. But going back to the article, there’s some assumption I don’t agree with. She says it’s encoded in us that men have a role. But what about women? It’s completely ok to say that women have fought and evolved out of that square space their genes pegged them in. But it’s crap to say that men haven’t changed, we have, just not really in a good way. 

Men shouldn’t define themselves because of their capability to care for a family, just as women shouldn’t be defined by their capabilities as wives for example. Gender battles can’t be reduced to “it’s your turn to take care of the kids and cook dinner forever”.  Because the economic reality is that a single income home is not really feasible. But more to the point, why don’t women really accept a complete change of the paradigm. Fuck it; I don’t think it’s wrong that a man could want to be a Mr. Mom. 

Let me try again, while it can be real easy to say, yes men are pissed at having to fight with women, it’s not true. I say that as a man, I could accept that if I ever marry my wife will probably earn more money than me. That’s not to belittle myself, but as an amateur writer, I’ll probably be lucky to make a living with it. I’ll most likely be a teacher or something, and just write to please myself. Yeah, I was raised that I would marry and provide for a family, but shit, sometimes it’s just not in the cards. As a man I what to think I could choose to love a woman because she loved me too. And it should be that we would both agree what do we want out of being together and how. If I have to take care of the kids, I will, and if she needs support because they make her feel like crap for putting her kids second, I’ll tell her she hasn’t, we just juggle things our own way.

Shit I have no idea where I’m going. I do know men aren’t equipped to deal with stuff. Women want change, and it will happen; fighting men be dammed. And yet maybe in a couple of generations things will make sense. But they don’t for me. Sometimes nothing does.